On my back patio, there’s an empty cage where a small, spiky piece of my heart used to be. Poppy was with me through some of the bumpiest rides in my life. She was with me when I had no job or anywhere to live, we survived the snowpocalypse, and she was always down to take a nap on my chest as long as I didn’t breathe in too deep and disturb her.
Towards the end, she got grumpy and hissy and barely ate. I think she was hurting from the cancer that spread throughout her little body. I took her to the vet this morning and was informed she was too far gone and advised to say my goodbyes. I didn’t expect it to hit me as hard as it did, looking at this tiny, fading creature that I’ve loved for the past two years.
I’m sad that she’s gone, but grateful that I’m the only one hurting now.
This was the post I uploaded to my Facebook and Instagram accounts when my hedgehog, Poppy, passed away. She was a good hedgehog. She wasn’t very nice or cuddly, but she was good. Every once in a while she’d let me hold her, especially when I was bathing her because she wanted me to get her out, and I could tell she knew I loved her. The outpouring of sympathy from my friends and family wasn’t something I actually expected. I’ve been in relationships before where news of a family member dying was met with “So? What can you do about it?” so I don’t usually expose myself when feeling vulnerable. I needed that support, though. In the past couple of years, I’ve been able to surround myself with people who actually care about me and that has improved my life and state of mind drastically.
I know she wasn’t a dog or a cat or any other animal that people normally mourn for when they die, but I loved Poppy and I’ll miss her. I knew hedgehogs didn’t live very long but I thought I had more time. I also didn’t think her passing would hit me as hard as it did. When the vet called and told me I’d need to come say goodbye, I had to leave work and sit in my car and cry for a while. It was a hard day. I took a long lunch and cried as I picked up her toys and the cage she used to live in. Even while I type this, I’m getting a little choked up.
Some people have asked me if it’s any easier moving on since I have another hedgehog (Branch), but it’s not. My love isn’t divided among my pets. It doesn’t get dispersed and then go back into the pool. I love each of my pets wholeheartedly and I’ll always miss them when they’re gone. If pets get to go to Heaven (which I believe they do), then I guarantee she’s up there right now hissing at God and digging around in the dirt, happy and pain-free.
People were always asking me why I had a hedgehog in the first place. You can’t really pet them or play with them. Some (like Poppy) are grumpy and hissy all the time so you can’t even hold them unless they’re in a snuggle sack. Even then, Poppy would hiss if I breathed in too much and moved the sack while she was napping in it. I guess I’ve got a thing for the cute and mean types.
In the beginning of 2021, Texas experienced and unprecedented ice storm. We called it the Snowpocalypse. I was trapped in my apartment for days with no heat. I had to bury myself under a pile of blankets and survived off of ramen and deer sausage. I kept Poppy’s heat lamp cranked to 10 and she didn’t seem too fazed by any of it. Since I worked from home during that time and couldn’t connect to my company’s VPN and because I’d already put in my two weeks notice to leave for another job, my release date was “accelerated”. So I got to chill on the couch and play DOOM for a week with Poppy in my lap, hissing and poking if I got too into the game.
Poppy was an escape artist. When I got home from my church mission, I had to stay with my parents for a little bit to get back on my feet. Unfortunately, they were in the middle of selling their house so the room that Poppy and I stayed in was empty. I had to sleep on an air mattress every night after coming home from ten hour shifts at Amazon. It wouldn’t have been so bad but the air mattress had a hole in it. So I’d wake up on the ground every morning no matter how many times I patched it. One night I woke up around 2AM (I had to be up at 4:45) because I thought I heard something scratching the mattress. I used my phone flashlight to look around but didn’t see anything. I was so tired, I wanted it to be my imagination so I laid back down. But then I heard it again. I heard it scratching by my head so I reached down and was poked by a little hedgehog running by. Somehow she’d gotten out of her crate and was having a blast running around our room.
Another time after we had moved into an apartment with my sister, I was getting ready for work and noticed that Poppy’s cage was empty. I looked for her as much as I could but I had to go to work. I figured she was hiding under a shelf or behind the couch or something. I spent my lunch break looking for her but still couldn’t find her. I was getting a little worried. When my sister got home, I didn’t get a chance to tell her Poppy was missing before she went to her room. I was getting dinner ready when I heard her scream! She wasn’t expecting two beady little eyes to be looking at her when she looked under her bed!
She wasn’t very friendly or cuddly but she was curious. Sometimes I’d let her run around my mom and dad’s house and she’d run to their dog and sniff him. He wasn’t a fan. She wouldn’t poke him though. A little over a year after I got her, I got a second hedgehog. A boy named Branch. I put them together to see if they’d get along and they did for a little bit but then Poppy started crunching on his quills so I decided they needed to be separated.
It’s been a couple months since Poppy passed on, but every once in a while I’ll think about her and get a little sad. Sometimes I blame myself. She was so small and vulnerable and I was supposed to protect her. But sometimes there’s nothing we can do. We just need to enjoy time with the people and pets we love while we can.
Miss you, Poppy.
Jeston is a former student of Texas A&M, the author of Jesse Granger: Bushranger in Hit the Ground Running, and a volunteer at the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco, TX.
