Current Events, Goals, Life Advice, Self-Help

Make a New Year’s Resolution and Stick To It

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It’s almost a New Year! You know what that means? Millions (if not billions) of people are making New Year’s resolutions. If you’re the optimistic type, you might think that a New Year’s resolution is some kind of goal that people set for themselves at the beginning of the year. The rest of us know that most people make their resolutions with absolutely no intention of keeping them. They say they’ll lose weight or read more or something like that but end the year weighing more and reading less.

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Dating, Life Advice, Men, Men's Health, Satire

The MAN Handbook: How to Win People and Influence Friends

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This guys looks pretty manly.

COGNITION

  1. A man will not always be right (but he will never be wrong).
  2. When not engaged in the process of being lazy, a man will be thinking about when their next opportunity to be lazy is.
  3. A man will blame all his problems and financial woes on the current president, regardless of whether or not this postulation is astute.
  4. A man must ponder deep philosophical quandaries, such as who will win this year’s Super Bowl or which car is the manliest purchase.
  5. Even when not thinking about sex, a man will be thinking about sex.
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Faith, Life Advice, Relationships

Making Time for God

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My good friend Emily writes: I love routine. I thrive off of it. Once COVID hit, all routine went out the window. My classes I did from bed. My work was moved online so I could do it whenever I wanted as long as I got all my projects completed on time. With not having a schedule for really anything, I stoped having a spiritual schedule as well. I didn’t create the time for God in my schedule. Things were happening in my life that sort of made me bitter towards God at times. I could recognize a difference from when I first got home from the mission and studied the scriptures every day to then (and honestly sometimes now) when I spent no time for or with God. When I was praying and studying the scriptures each day, I had such a positive outlook and attitude. When I wasn’t, I became increasingly bitter towards God for the littlest things. I recognized that, but that bitterness made me not really care that I was more bitter. A new semester rolled around and things in the world didn’t. Work got more busy and obviously school got more busy and I needed to thrive in both aspects… so I needed to create a new routine. After certain things happened in my life, I hesitantly added prayer and scripture study into my morning routine. At first, I didn’t recognize a huge difference, but after a couple weeks, I noticed that my days were better and I was more accountable to myself and to God. I stopped being really bitter towards God and gratitude flooded into my heart. Now, am I the best at keeping this routine? No. But I have recognized that my quiet time spent with God has a huge impact on my life. I realized that God wants to help me in my life, but I have to put forth that time to allow him to.

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Dating, Life Advice, Men, Men's Health, Relationships

5 Bulletproof Tips for Avoiding the Friendzone

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friendzoned

THE BALLAD OF TANK: A CAUTIONARY TALE

Take heed, my friends. The following story will strike a chord with each and every one of you. Some of the words may be too painful for you to bear. But you must read on. You must learn from the tale I am about to tell, lest you continue in obsolescence.

There once was a young man named Hank  we’ll call him Tank. The first time I met Tank was at a Superbowl party. I had never met him before but he came with a friend of mine so I figured he must be alright. He was obviously into her. He didn’t really talk to anyone else the whole night and every time she moved her seat, he’d move right next to her.

He was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it anymore obvious? – Avril Lavigne

A few weeks later, Tank finally made a move. He went to my friend’s apartment and asked her on a date. She was so surprised that she said no and closed the door in his face! They haven’t talked since. Tank got hardcore friendzoned, possibly even given the boot altogether.

Here’s a rundown of what he did wrong:

-He obviously waited too long to make his feelings known

-He was too clingy

-He made it awkward

-He went for a movie ending without hashing out the beginning and middle

-He probably missed some hints

The easiest way to win the game is not to play, but that’s not an option here. You don’t want to spend your life on the sidelines. You’re too good a player to be sitting the bench. At least that’s what I tell myself. If you’ll follow this handy guide to avoiding the friendzone, you can avoid going down the same dark path that our dear friend, Tank, went down.

1. GIVE HER SOME SPACE

Nobody likes being around someone that’s clingy but girls especially don’t like a clingy guy. They don’t want you responding to their texts in half a second and they don’t need you constantly checking up on them. It makes you seem obsessive and uninteresting. What kind of interesting things could be going on in your life if you have time to answer her at the drop of a hat?

If you’re at an event or gathering or something together, you don’t have to be attached at the hip. Walk around and talk to people or hang out in different groups. It’s kind of weird if you never leave her side. Give her some room to breathe. She may be all you think about, but you might not be the same for her. Actually, you’re probably not, especially if you’re being annoying. Plus, you’ll seem like you don’t have any friends aside from her and she might feel sorry for you which is not a good sign. If you’re worried about her talking to people that are more interesting than you, maybe you need to be more interesting or less insecure.

Show her that y’all can be apart without you having a panic attack.

2. BE CONFIDENT

Nothing turns a girl off more than a guy that’s insecure. More often than not, guys will try to hide those insecurities only for them to manifest themselves in unhealthy ways later on. They might cause you to lash out at the girl you’re pursuing and that is extremely counterproductive. Work on your problems or your mindset before you even think about getting into a relationship. You don’t want to bring a bunch of baggage in with you and you don’t want to risk hurting someone you care about.

If it’s your appearance you’re insecure about, there are ways to change it without going overboard. Try a new haircut or facial hair style. If you’re smaller, go to the gym and bulk up some. If you think she might leave you for somebody else, that’s something you’ll have to worry about if you get into a relationship with her.

Working on those things that bother you will not only improve them, they’ll allow you to feel in control of your situation and that will boost your confidence. It will also prepare you for those inevitable times in a relationship when you’ll need to work through some hard stuff. You’ll be more likely to endure to the end.

3. BE ABLE TO PICK UP ON HINTS

This is a big one. You’ve got to be able to pick up on hints. If you can’t do this, you’re pretty much destined to fail. Girls don’t like to straight up say how they feel. They want guys to pick up on their hints (or more accurately, read their minds). They’ll drop subtle hints if they’re interested in you but they’ll drop atomic bombs for hints to let you know they’re not interested. The bad thing about being a guy is that we normally can’t tell these two apart.

I’ll cover some of the signs in another blog post but for now I’ll talk about some of the more obvious ones you’ll come across. One of the signs that she’s at least a little interested is physical contact like playful hitting. She might slap your arm or backhand your chest or something like that. Unless she’s straight up decking you in the face, this is usually a good sign. An obvious sign she’s not interested in you is that she comes to you for guy advice or treats you like her gay best friend. She’ll confide in you and tell you her secrets and you’ll think that means you’re getting closer. ABORT! Or you’ll be placed firmly in the friendzone with little to no escape options.

4. MAKE YOUR FEELINGS KNOW ASAP

You’ve gotta let her know how you feel about her as soon as possible. It doesn’t how awkward you think it’s going to be. You have to. Sometimes guys think doing that might “mess up their chances” but nothing will mess up your chances like not having any in the first place. Next thing you know, you’ve been spending months trying to win over a girl who’s been hooking up with some other guy every time she finishes hanging out with you and telling you about all of her problems. The sooner you get this out of the way, the sooner you know whether or not to keep going after her or to just move on.

Having to move on will suck but it will be a lot better in the long run than the alternative. Just think about it. Would you want to know you’ve got no shot early on so you can move on to some other girl that would possibly work out or would you rather waste months of your life just to end up heartbroken anyway?

5. REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE

You’ve got to remember that no matter what advice you learned or romantic scenes you’ve seen in movies, life is rarely like that. A girl is not going to slowly but surely develop feelings for you as you slave away for her and answer her every beckon call. Her feelings aren’t going to culminate until they overwhelm her one rainy night when you show up on her doorstep to confess your love. She’ll just think you’re a wet fool. And she might close her door in your face after rejecting you. You have to be realistic. You can’t just drop a love bomb on her and expect her to fall head over heels for you. You can’t use cheesy one-liners you saw on a romcom on her. She probably won’t even be listening. She’ll be thinking “WTF IS GOING ON?” so just be chill.

It’s not a perfect list or even that comprehensive, but you’ll be better off if you follow these basic rules. Maybe I’ll expand on some of the points some time in the future.

Good luck.

If none of that works out, Rob Thomas will ease your pain.

-Jeston

Follow me: @DoHpodcast and @JestonTexeira

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Life Advice

Cutting Your Losses: 5 Times You Have to Know When to Tap Out

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Amber Heard in Never Back Down

The first time I watched Never Back Down, the set up scene right before the big fight got me HYPED. Jake’s best friend had just been hospitalized by the main antagonist (Ryan) of the movie and he was understandably enraged. Like most guys in his situation, he wanted to do some serious damage to the guy who hurt his friend. Like most people who see someone they care about walking down a destructive path, his sort-of girlfriend, Baja, begged him not to fight the guy. When he wouldn’t listen to her, she tried to appeal to his sense of reason.

Baja: Walking away and giving up are not the same thing.

Jake: Good. ‘Cause I’m not doing either one.

Pretty good response. I don’t think I would’ve been in the right state of mind to give such a response. I probably would’ve told her I didn’t care and then stormed off to fight the guy. I definitely identified and still do identify with Jake in this scenario. Sometimes you’ve just had enough. You can’t let people walk all over you and you for sure can’t let them hurt the people you love without consequences.

Taking Care of Business

Jake handled his business in a positive way. Instead of running Ryan over with his car or busting a cap, Jake fought him one on one with MMA rules in place. No tricks, no dirty fighting. Just two guys settling their beef with their fists in front of a crowd of strangers.  Baja was afraid that Jake would lose himself in the process of defending his loved ones, but he didn’t. Instead, he defended his friend’s honor while maintaining his own. Even though it would have been arguably justifiable, Jake didn’t let his anger get the best of him. He’s a better man than I would’ve been. If somebody had hospitalized my friend or someone close to me, they would be laying up in the hospital bed next to them. Or underground. But then I would be a slave to my rage.

Quitting Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

There are times when fighting the good fight and powering through your struggles is necessary. And then there are times when it’s best to cut your losses. That doesn’t always mean your giving up on yourself. You’ve just identified something that’s contributing more to the impediment of your progress rather than helping you in your progression. In the following instances, it’s best to stop wasting your time and quit while you’re ahead.

1. When It’s Supposed to Be Fun But Isn’t

Have you ever joined a club or organization with the intention of having fun doing something you like with a group of like-minded people only for it to feel more like a job than an escape? That would be a good reason to leave that group. Or do you have friends who either never support your goals or constantly bash your looks or your decisions? Cut em loose. Or say you’re a kid whose parents signed him up for sports and spend more time drilling you over a dropped pass than congratulating you for the progress you’re making. If you’re not happy and you’re not having fun, quit the team. You don’t have to stay in these situations if they aren’t bringing you the joy you were looking for. That’s not what you signed up for.

2. You Don’t Feel Appreciated

This applies both to jobs and relationships. Sometimes you try really hard but your boyfriend or girlfriend seems like they couldn’t care less whether y’all were together or not. Maybe your boss is strapping your with more and more responsibilities but isn’t giving you more and more benefits or even respect. Maybe you’re putting in a lot more than you’re getting out. Don’t wring yourself dry for people who don’t appreciate your hard work and sacrifice. Let them see what it’s like when their doormat is pulled out from under them.

3. You Know You’re Wasting Your Time

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” – not Albert Einstein

There’s no use doing the same thing you’ve been doing if you’re not gaining anything from it. You only have so much time on this Earth. Don’t waste it doing something that’s not helping you progress in life. It’s one thing to waste your time when you think there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You think you’re getting closer to your ultimate goal. Maybe you think you’ll get a promotion if you work late or that girl will finally go o a date with you if you get her a thoughtful birthday present. But it’s another thing to keep plodding along when you KNOW that you’re wasting your time. Maybe your boss has already made it crystal clear that there are no promotions, raises, or overtime opportunities in your future. Maybe that girl moved to Austin without telling you. Don’t keep breaking your back or wasting your energy on these people.

4. There’s No Room For Growth

This one sort of goes with the tip above. Why would you keep being a part of something that helps you gain absolutely nothing? Where there’s no opportunity for growth? The answer is that you shouldn’t. If your job isn’t offering you any incentives, what’s keeping you there? Get a new one. If you’re unhappy with your job and you can’t get overtime and you aren’t getting a raise or a promotion any time soon, it’s a wonder you still work there. Ask for a $1 raise and see gauge the response. If you’re not worth $1 now, you won’t be worth much more in the future. This goes for relationships and organizations as well. If you feel like you’re just going through the motions and you’re not getting anywhere, find something more fulfilling to do with your time and energy.

5. You’ve Changed Your Goals

Sometimes your goals change. That’s just the way it is. If your current path isn’t leading you towards your current goals, something’s got to change. It makes no sense to continue doing something that’s not getting you to where you want to be. If your current job isn’t leading you to the career you want, get a new one. Sometimes you have to put in a little work like getting a new degree or certificate, but it will be worth it in the end if you’re doing what you really want to do. If you got into a relationship not wanting to get married or have kids but now you do but the person you’re with doesn’t, you need to evaluate how important that is to you and whether or not you should continue that relationship. Maybe they’ll change their mind like you did.

In each of these situations, you need to know yourself, know your goals, and know what it’s going to take to reach them if you’re not headed in that direction already.

-Jeston

Follow me: @DoHpodcast and @JestonTexeira

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