Life Advice

Cutting Your Losses: 5 Times You Have to Know When to Tap Out

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Amber Heard in Never Back Down

The first time I watched Never Back Down, the set up scene right before the big fight got me HYPED. Jake’s best friend had just been hospitalized by the main antagonist (Ryan) of the movie and he was understandably enraged. Like most guys in his situation, he wanted to do some serious damage to the guy who hurt his friend. Like most people who see someone they care about walking down a destructive path, his sort-of girlfriend, Baja, begged him not to fight the guy. When he wouldn’t listen to her, she tried to appeal to his sense of reason.

Baja: Walking away and giving up are not the same thing.

Jake: Good. ‘Cause I’m not doing either one.

Pretty good response. I don’t think I would’ve been in the right state of mind to give such a response. I probably would’ve told her I didn’t care and then stormed off to fight the guy. I definitely identified and still do identify with Jake in this scenario. Sometimes you’ve just had enough. You can’t let people walk all over you and you for sure can’t let them hurt the people you love without consequences.

Taking Care of Business

Jake handled his business in a positive way. Instead of running Ryan over with his car or busting a cap, Jake fought him one on one with MMA rules in place. No tricks, no dirty fighting. Just two guys settling their beef with their fists in front of a crowd of strangers.  Baja was afraid that Jake would lose himself in the process of defending his loved ones, but he didn’t. Instead, he defended his friend’s honor while maintaining his own. Even though it would have been arguably justifiable, Jake didn’t let his anger get the best of him. He’s a better man than I would’ve been. If somebody had hospitalized my friend or someone close to me, they would be laying up in the hospital bed next to them. Or underground. But then I would be a slave to my rage.

Quitting Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

There are times when fighting the good fight and powering through your struggles is necessary. And then there are times when it’s best to cut your losses. That doesn’t always mean your giving up on yourself. You’ve just identified something that’s contributing more to the impediment of your progress rather than helping you in your progression. In the following instances, it’s best to stop wasting your time and quit while you’re ahead.

1. When It’s Supposed to Be Fun But Isn’t

Have you ever joined a club or organization with the intention of having fun doing something you like with a group of like-minded people only for it to feel more like a job than an escape? That would be a good reason to leave that group. Or do you have friends who either never support your goals or constantly bash your looks or your decisions? Cut em loose. Or say you’re a kid whose parents signed him up for sports and spend more time drilling you over a dropped pass than congratulating you for the progress you’re making. If you’re not happy and you’re not having fun, quit the team. You don’t have to stay in these situations if they aren’t bringing you the joy you were looking for. That’s not what you signed up for.

2. You Don’t Feel Appreciated

This applies both to jobs and relationships. Sometimes you try really hard but your boyfriend or girlfriend seems like they couldn’t care less whether y’all were together or not. Maybe your boss is strapping your with more and more responsibilities but isn’t giving you more and more benefits or even respect. Maybe you’re putting in a lot more than you’re getting out. Don’t wring yourself dry for people who don’t appreciate your hard work and sacrifice. Let them see what it’s like when their doormat is pulled out from under them.

3. You Know You’re Wasting Your Time

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” – not Albert Einstein

There’s no use doing the same thing you’ve been doing if you’re not gaining anything from it. You only have so much time on this Earth. Don’t waste it doing something that’s not helping you progress in life. It’s one thing to waste your time when you think there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You think you’re getting closer to your ultimate goal. Maybe you think you’ll get a promotion if you work late or that girl will finally go o a date with you if you get her a thoughtful birthday present. But it’s another thing to keep plodding along when you KNOW that you’re wasting your time. Maybe your boss has already made it crystal clear that there are no promotions, raises, or overtime opportunities in your future. Maybe that girl moved to Austin without telling you. Don’t keep breaking your back or wasting your energy on these people.

4. There’s No Room For Growth

This one sort of goes with the tip above. Why would you keep being a part of something that helps you gain absolutely nothing? Where there’s no opportunity for growth? The answer is that you shouldn’t. If your job isn’t offering you any incentives, what’s keeping you there? Get a new one. If you’re unhappy with your job and you can’t get overtime and you aren’t getting a raise or a promotion any time soon, it’s a wonder you still work there. Ask for a $1 raise and see gauge the response. If you’re not worth $1 now, you won’t be worth much more in the future. This goes for relationships and organizations as well. If you feel like you’re just going through the motions and you’re not getting anywhere, find something more fulfilling to do with your time and energy.

5. You’ve Changed Your Goals

Sometimes your goals change. That’s just the way it is. If your current path isn’t leading you towards your current goals, something’s got to change. It makes no sense to continue doing something that’s not getting you to where you want to be. If your current job isn’t leading you to the career you want, get a new one. Sometimes you have to put in a little work like getting a new degree or certificate, but it will be worth it in the end if you’re doing what you really want to do. If you got into a relationship not wanting to get married or have kids but now you do but the person you’re with doesn’t, you need to evaluate how important that is to you and whether or not you should continue that relationship. Maybe they’ll change their mind like you did.

In each of these situations, you need to know yourself, know your goals, and know what it’s going to take to reach them if you’re not headed in that direction already.

-Jeston

Follow me: @DoHpodcast and @JestonTexeira

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Letters to J

Saturday Night Fever

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Dear J,

Sorry this letter’s late. I’ve been pretty busy lately. I’m going to start trying to put headers before each section of my letters. That should save you from having to power through a bunch of rambling and nonsense. There will still be plenty of nonsense, though. But we’ll try this out for a little bit and if it ends up not working out, I’ll switch it up.

It’s Jimbo Time

texasaggieband

COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS BACK! I’ve been waiting for seems like an eternity to say those words. Life between the final touchdown of the championship game and the first kickoff of the season was basically a sham. Now it’s the real deal. We can all stop pretending like we’re happy and actually BE happy! Plus, it’s JIMBO TIME! The big question is, is he worth $75 million? We’ll find out this season. Hopefully we don’t end up 8-5 again. I don’t think my Fightin’ Texas Aggie heart can take it. I really wanted Dabo Swinney to come here instead and I’m sort of getting my wish this weekend. Too bad he’ll probably be murdering us on the field. It can’t be any worse than blowing a 30+ point lead like we did last year to UCLA. Can it?

Big Man Off Campus

Also, since school’s back in session, my friends are all back! It was pretty lonely over the summer with only my roommate and his rabbit to hang out with. Living in a college town sucks sometimes if you don’t go tot the college anymore. The good part, though, is that there’s barely any traffic when all the students are gone. But then you have no one to hang out with if your friends are students. I got to see the missionaries some but they were usually busy ministering to lost souls and I didn’t want to interfere with that. Somebody’s gotta do the Lord’s work. But it has been good to see everybody. I’ve been trying to get more involved in group activities even though being in big groups makes me uneasy. Maybe I’ll get over it.

Could You Take My Picture?

I’ve been working on a little project lately. I’m going to go visit my favorite missionary next weekend and I didn’t want to show up empty handed. I love giving people gifts, especially when I know it’s something they’ll like. I put a lot of thought into the gifts I give even though most people don’t notice. This missionary loves photography so I figured a gift related to photography would be perfect. She’s also been sent to a rough part of Texas for her next mission ward and it’s taken a toll on her happiness with our great state. I have an Instax camera and decided for her gift that I would put together a polaroid photo album of nice Texas things and things that would remind her of College Station. Maybe she’ll look at the pictures with fondness and it’ll make her miss us. I don’t want anyone to leave Texas without loving it. Except hippies.

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I hope everything’s going well for you, J. It sucks talking to you when you can’t talk back but one day that’ll change. I’ll try to send the letter on time next time. Sorry.

I miss you.

-Jeston

Follow me: @DoHpodcast and @JestonTexeira

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Podcast

Episode 1: Alfredogate, or Death of a Senator

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In this episode, I introduce the podcast, talk about the life and death of John McCain, and describe myself as a rat who can’t cook.

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Life Advice

7 Tips for Incoming College Freshmen

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The sun is blazing hot and the traffic is terrible. You know what that means! School is back in session. That also means that there are hundreds of 18 year olds wandering an unfamiliar town lost and confused. They don’t know how to drive or even walk down a sidewalk. Their parents aren’t there to guide their decisions anymore. They’ll either go buck wild or become a recluse. There’s usually no in-between during freshman year. To help you out, I’ve compiled a list of tips that will come in handy no matter which type of freshman you or your recently graduated high school student will become.

1. Never Pass up Free Food

The starving college student myth is not a myth. Food is easy to come by and hard to afford when you’re in college, especially when you’re looking at the on-campus options. Everything offered by your university has been upcharged like a mofo and will leave your wallet emptier than your roommate’s mini fridge likely will be. You can stock up on ramen or you can take advantage of the naive campus organizations who think offering free food will make you join their knitting circle.

During the first week of class, there is guaranteed to be a minimum of a bunch of events that offer free food. These will give you great opportunities to get free food. You might be able to socialize a little bit and make new friends but the main focus here should be the free food. Only socialize with people who are in organizations. They’ll most likely invite you to other events that are offering free food. If there’s one thing you don’t mess up during your first year of being independent, let it be this. Or stock up on Ramen.

2. Join an Organization

Unless you want to be a lonely hermit sitting in your dorm watching The Office for the fifteenth time, you need to make some friends. There’s no better way to make friends than to join one of those organizations that were handing out free food during syllabus week (read: day). Most colleges have organizations that cater to very specific interests so if you can’t find one that suits you, maybe you’re just not that interesting you aren’t looking hard enough.

3. STUDY

Studying is probably the most important thing on this list. I get it. Between organizations and binge drinking watching shows on Netflix, studying can get lost in the shuffle. Don’t let it. You’re in college for on reason: to get a degree. Everything else is secondary. Don’t let your parents’ money go to waste. And if you’re offended by me saying that and try to hit me with “I got student loans” or “I’m working through college” then you’d be even stupider than the average student if you went ahead and wasted your own hard-earned money.

4. Call Your Parents (Or at Least Your Mom) 

Your mom needs to hear from you at least once a week MINIMUM. This is non-negotiable. If I need to explain to you why this is, you’re either a terrible child, have a really bad relationship with your mom that needs to be worked on, or your mom is dead. Those are topics for another blog post.

5. Figure Out Your Major ASAP

A lot of kids head to college with at least a general idea of what they want to major in. Other go in with your future all laid out. Reality is going to hit both of those types like a freight train. High school might have been tough but college is a whole different beast. If you’re not careful, it will take what you love and turn it into something you hate. The difference is in success and failure is how you respond to adversity. You’ll find out pretty quickly whether or not you can handle the workload required to be in your major. If it’s too much, switch as soon as you can. You don’t want to waste any time or money staying in a major and accruing credits that won’t translate to a different degree plan if you choose to change your major later on down the road. Assess the situation and figure out whether you’re going to sink or swim ASAP.

6. Learn How to Drive

For the love of all that is holy, please learn to drive before you get to campus. Here are some helpful tips if you need a crash course in driving:

-The gas pedal is on the right. The brake is on the left.

-Left lane=fast, right lane=five over the speed limit

-You don’t need to slow down to five miles and hour to look for your turn.

-If you’re getting into a turning lane, get into it BEFORE you slow down to a complete stop.

-When the red lights come on on the car in front of you, that means they’re slowing down and you should, too.

-Pedestrians technically have the right of way but if they’re not in a designated crosswalk, it’s ok to drive as closely as possible to them to give them a little reminder to use the dang crosswalk.

-If you’re going to pullout in front of someone, you’d better time it right. If not, you;d better have some good insurance.

7. Have Fun

The last piece of advice I’ve got for you is to have fun. Don’t stress out too much. Unless you screw up and don’t take any of my sage advice, you’ll only be a freshman once. There are whole new possibilities and experiences out there for you to have. Whole new memories for you to make. Don’t waste any time. Go out there and have those experiences. Make those memories. And don’t do anything too stupid.

And call your mom.

-Jeston

Follow me: @DoHpodcast and @JestonTexeira

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Letters to J

Brotherly Love

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Dear J,

My little brother starts college this week. It’s pretty crazy. I still remember him as that little baby I grew up with in a trailer in Somerville. He used to run around in nothing but a diaper and little baby cowboy boots. He would love to run around the woods with me and our sister. Our parents would always dress us in the same style clothes like we were twins even though we were five years apart and didn’t look the same.

Wanna Be A Baller

Growing up, we played sports and were each other’s biggest fans. We would be at every baseball, football, and basketball game that the other had, cheering him on at the top of our lungs. Later on when I was in college, he joined the tennis team for a little bit and I’d come down to watch him in tournaments. He was incredibly gifted in just about every sport he tried and was way more determined to excel than I ever was. It’s that heart and determination he brings with him to college that I know is going to see him through. He doesn’t quit and he can’t lose.

Rough and Tumble

I put him through a lot as a kid, though. I’ve hurt him a lot and it’s a wonder he still puts up with me. The earliest memory I have of hurting him is when he was about one or two years old. For some reason, I thought people’s heads were basically connected to their necks like a joint on an action figure. I wanted to test that out so I tried to pick him up by the head and swing him around. It didn’t work too well because he started crying once I wrapped my arms around his head and picked him up. One time we were “sword fighting” with those twist top mechanical pencils and I had untwisted the lead until it was really long. I ended up stabbing him in the wrist with it and my mom had to pull the lead out with tweezers. Another time, I was throwing plastic dollar store darts at him and busted a little hole in his forehead. Another time I pulled a tree branch back and let it whack him in the face. A big ol stick got stuck in his eyelid.

Knocked TF Out

The worst thing I think I ever did to him, though, was knock his front teeth out. A lot of people threaten people and say they’re gonna do it, but I actually did it. I didn’t do it on purpose, though. We were all at the beach that day. Me, my brother, and my sister were splashing around in the water while my parents and grandma were chilling in the sand. Me and my brother thought it would be a good idea to start throwing sand at each other. My mom saw us and told us to quit throwing sand so we did but we found a loophole and started throwing bits of coral at each other. The last piece of coral I threw skipped off the water and hit him square in the front teeth. They turned to dust. I try to think of ways to talk my out of what just happened but it was pretty clear there was no way that was going to happen. He’s got fake front teeth now and I feel bad about it pretty much every day. I wish I had enough money to give him the best implants. I love him so much and wish I could take back all those times I hurt him.

Ragrets

I know he knows I love him. He’s probably already forgiven me and forgotten about most of those things (except for breaking his front teeth) but it still sucks that I did all that. It makes me almost tear up thinking about the times I made him cry, the times I made him feel like I didn’t care about him. But I do and I always will.

Brand New Man

I’m not gonna lie, I choked up a little bit when I saw him with his shaved head marching down the field with his squadron. He looked like a new man. He looked like a completely different person. When I left for college, he was a little thirteen year old kid. He hadn’t even been through some of the biggest challenges life was about to throw at him. That’s another one of those irrational regrets that I have. I know how hard life was between 13 and 18. Balancing your social life, home life, and the stress of trying to keep up your grades to get scholarships for college so you’re not buried in debt when you graduate. Those few years were incredibly taxing. Sometimes I get upset with myself for not being there to guide him through that. I know I was away at college and tried to text him as much advice as I could but I wish I was physically there for him.

Here We Go Again

The go thing is, I’m here now. I live about ten minutes from campus and will be seeing him as much as possible. I don’t want to smother him but I also don’t want to waste any opportunity of seeing my best friend. Maybe I’ll have a second chance to help him with some of those life problems he’ll undoubtedly face in college. Hopefully he won’t run into too many, but I’ll be here if he does.

So, J, that’s what’s been on my mind. My little brother’s in college and it’s given us a whole new chance to to grow together.I won’t waste this chance. And if you’re reading this, little bro, good luck out there. I love you.

-Jeston

Follow me: @DoHpodcast and @JestonTexeira

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