Dire Wolves Live While Winds of Winter Hopes Die

Dire wolves are back, baby! Sort of. For the past few years I’ve been seeing article pop up about this company that’s trying to bring the woolly mammoth back to life. As elephants are my favorite animals, I also love the woolly mammoth by extension. I’ve also been fascinated by the concept of cloning and DNA splicing since I was a child. The first time I read The House of the Scorpion, I wondered why we couldn’t just clone people. Scientists at Texas A&M cloned a cat and then there’s Dolly the sheep, so why not people? There are specific answers to that but I won’t get into it right now because I don’t remember and I don’t feel like looking it up again but you can if you feel so inclined. I figure God doesn’t want us doing it so He put some safeguards in us on a molecular level. Or maybe there’s a scientist out there who figured out how to do it but was too afraid of what world governments would do with access to cloning technology so they decided to scrap the idea. Either way, it’s a fascinating subject that’s becoming more science and less science fiction as the years go on.

The company that’s been working on bringing back the woolly mammoth took a little detour. A few months ago, they birthed the first dire wolves the world has seen in over TEN THOUSAND YEARS. Or at least the closest thing to a dire wolf the world has seen in that time. I’d like to see a woolly mammoth or whatever conglomeration of mammoth and elephant DNA these people can come up with but so far the closest we’ve gotten is the woolly mouse. It’s cute but kind of upsetting that I’ll probably never get to pet one.

But back to the dire wolves. How in the world did we get dire wolves before we got the Winds of Winter book? What’s George RR Martin doing?? The show has been off the air for nearly a decade now. Sophie Turner went through puberty, married, and divorced Joe Jonas and we STILL don’t have even a complete manuscript. And that doesn’t even take into consideration that this next book isn’t planned to be the last one. So George is most definitely going to die before the book series ends, logically speaking. He’s in his 70s or something right now.

I think the problem is that he isn’t horny enough to bust these books out anymore. Not gonna lie I had to stop reading them because they were so sexually explicit even when the characters were children. You got twelve year olds rubbing themselves and six year olds getting married. George is a damn FREAK. Before y’all come out of the woodworks talking about how his stories are based on real life things that happened in ancient times, consider this: HE DIDN’T HAVE TO INCLUDE THAT. There are dragons and magic and attractive gingers in Westeros. Not exactly a place grounded in reality. So to leave out sexually explicit passages involving children shouldn’t detract from the experience all that much. And if it does that for you, the woodchipper is calling.

All I know is that George needs to hurry up and write those books so we hopefully don’t have King Bran wheeling around ruining memories of the franchise anymore. George RR Martin once gave a talk in Rudder when I went to A&M and told us he was working hard on the book. I graduated nearly ten years ago. Forget him dying before it’s finished, I might die before it’s finished. What’s the hold up? Like I said he’s probably just not horny enough to finish the series. They posted up Emilia Clarke, Sophie Turner, and Natalie Dormer and that was too much for him. Now he’s wallowing in years of post nut clarity and “maybe I shouldn’t have written about children like that” and now he’s run out of material. Hurry it up George.